High School Graduation

Today just got me thinking a lot about the value of education.
I attended one of my cousin's high school graduation ceremonies, which is always a wonderful event! Anytime someone graduates school is just a happy day. Graduating is a huge milestone in life. Whether it is high school or college, it matters.
However, what took over my mind all day since the ceremony is how hard receiving an education is for some people.
I say this because she graduated from the alternative high school, and there is nothing wrong with that whatsoever.
She was sick and fell behind. The option is amazing for to have to go there.
But, what struck me was during a speech by one of the students. She made it very loud and clear and that throughout her life she heard many times that she wouldn't graduate high school.
To me, that basically amounts to someone saying, "you suck, you won't amount to anything in life, you can't even finish high school!"
If you heard that, would you even want to finish high school?
I wouldn't.
When I went to school, the alternative school seemed to be mostly for the burnouts and pregnant girls. I also graduated ten years ago, (ugh...now I'm feeling old!) And I'm sure this is still the case today as those things are still happening - however this school seems to be to be a place where someone struggling and not having the drive to succeed can go and get it done with people who will work with them and help them.
People need help. We all need help sometimes. It sucks asking for it, it sucks identifying you need it, it just plain sucks.
But when your education is at stake, it is necessary to ask for it!
If you have people who don't support you, or want to see you succeed (there are those type of parents out there), then you need to seek out people who will be there for you.
Without an education what will become of a person today?
It doesn't matter where you graduate from, just as long as you do.
Don't listen to the people who want to bring you down. Everyone has an equal right to a great education...which the common core system I guess is now making the term "great education" for Americans kind of iffy...but you get the idea.
My plea to people is:
Do not tear a child, any child, especially your child down! Ask them to grow, think, strive towards something better. There is always a better and every kid deserves it. Encourage them to work hard and let them know that it isn't easy. Let them know it is okay to fail, as long they learn from it and try again. Failure isn't a bad thing, but it shouldn't be the last thing you do. Try and try again. Teach them that education is important and with that piece of paper they will feel a great self-satisfaction and that you will be so proud of them for all of their hard work and effort they put into EARNING it. Tell them that it is okay to not know what they want to be when they grow up, or they don't even have to know where they fit in now. Teen years and high school is hard enough with academics, and sometimes the social life needs to come second. They have their whole lives to be social. Support them, guide them, provide a safe, loving place for them. Ask them if they need help, they may not come to you for it. Read to them or with them. Read everyday. Knowledge comes from reading...anything! Just love them. Never tell them they are going to fail.

Education is a priceless tool. I can't wait to finally be done with my college career, but when I am done I will be sad.
I am the one who told myself I will fail. I kept dropping out of college and changing my majors. It took me almost nine years to focus on a degree program to finish in. I will be done this year. All those times I told myself that I'm just going into debt for nothing, I realize now I was being so  hard on myself. I was being hard on myself because I didn't know what I wanted to be. I didn't know what I want to do with my life. And guess what? I still don't know 100%. But I have a pretty good idea.
If anyone had told me I wasn't going to graduate high school, I would have believed them. High school is tough and add teen drama, family problems, and work on top of that...it is easy to fall into the failure.

My hope is that every parent values education and wants it for their child. I cannot image not encouraging my daughter to pursue her dreams and take in all the schooling she can get when she is older.
Which brings me onto the topic of homeschooling....hmmm....

Grandma's Untitled Poem

My Grandma tended to stash little jokes and notes she had written down over the years randomly about her house.
While I was going through drawers of stashed away things, we started to find these.
There was one that stuck with me and I made sure I put it away for when the day would come and my Grandpa passed away.
Grandma wrote this little poem for another funeral - when her Aunt Alice passed away.
I read it at my Grandpa's service, because what could be better than speaking the words of your loving wife that you are reunited with?
Nothing.

Untitled Poem - JRR (Janet Richards)

Crystal tears and jeweled smiles

   When in a pathway greet,

Form a lovely rainbow bridge

   Where heart and soul may meet.

Allow a tear to trickle down

   To ease the sore hearts pain,

And from the soul, peace will arise

   Till your smiles will shine again.

My Grandparents...I believe on their honeymoon. 1951

I am Okay.

Today is the first day that I have woke up in the morning and I didn't feel full of dread.
Everyday I would dread so much and I focused on that rather than all the good that was happening throughout the day.
I would dread housework. Homework. The phone. The nursing home. My Grandpa's house. Pretending to be okay when I really wasn't.
I felt sleepy all day. Like my head was in a haze.
It truly was.
I still kind of feel sleepy and hazy...but I think that is just because I've been on full-force GO for so long.
Every time the phone would ring I would worry that it was the nursing home, or my aunt with bad news about my grandpa.
I hated the nursing home. Because it was just that. A nursing home. I felt sick to my stomach that my Grandpa had to be there. In his little room. Alone most of the day. With barely any of his belongings that he worked his entire life to have. Instead they filled an empty house that he occupied for the past 50 years. His food wasn't good like mine, like the food grandma had taught me to prepare. Most of all I hated the nursing home because they weren't able to give him what he needed most. Love.
My Grandpa needed to be with me. I needed to be with him. We tried it.
A month and a half. He lived with my husband, my five-year-old daughter, and me.
It was a great time. He always said he felt bad that he was here with us. Like he was intruding on our personal space and time.

I told him not to worry. For the short amount of time he was with us, in the entire span of life...the few months amounted to practically nothing. But that nothing meant the world to me. I could care for him. I was able to give back to him after all the times he had been there and cared for me.
When his care required more than I was able to provide it was set that he needed to be a nursing home...with the plans of going into an assisted living apartment.
Damn.
He wanted to be in that apartment so badly.
Instead, just as I predicted. Just as I knew. Because I know my Grandpa well...he didn't last long in the nursing home.
Now I don't dread the phone.
The call already came and went.
I cried. Hard. The ugly cry that makes your body shake, your cheeks sting, your eyes red for far too long.
Now it is over.
Now I can discover who I am without having to be a caregiver.
I get to be just a wife and a mom for the first time.
The feeling is kind of surreal and I'm actually a bit scared of it.
What if I mess up now? Now that I don't have to focus my extra energy on my Grandpa, will I use that energy to better myself and my family? I really hope I do.
Today I don't feel dread.
Today I feel okay. Not perfect. But not bad. Not good, but not tired.
I am okay.